Me: I'm going to walk to the Giant and get toilet paper.
Slim: Can you get veal shank?
Me: You really want Giant veal shank?
Slim: ...
Me: I can go to the Whole Foods and get you veal shank.
Slim: But then you can't get toilet paper.
Me: They gotta have toilet paper at the Whole Foods.
Slim: Yeah, but it's eight dollars and made out of recycled aluminum cans. "Its abrasiveness reminds me of how we're raping Mother Earth."
[We pass an elderly gay couple and I nod hello.]
Slim: You know those people?
Me: They live on our floor.
Slim: We don't know anyone in our building.
Me: I was in the elevator this morning and a woman on our floor got on the same time I did and asked if I just moved in, and I told her I'd been living here five years.
Slim: It's because you're anti-community. You don't go to any of the community meetings. You're an atomized individual.
Me: I bowl alone.
Slim: Or you would if you ever left the house.

(Related: Jenna Bush used to date someone four doors down from me, and I only learned about it years later because I never noticed all the Secret Service people buzzing around.)

Slim: Wow. She's not very attractive. Ralph Fiennes could do so much better.
Me: Yeah, but not in the next three hours.

Slim: When you find my cold dead corpse in the morning, it's because of the corn fungus.
Me: Oh, come on. You liked the huitlacoche.
Slim: Are you kidding? Corn fungus. I could start hallucinating and my tongue can roll into the back of my throat any minute now.

...

Me: I saw your clerkship W-2. I thought the government had done more double-dipping on your social security taxes. You're not going to get that much back in tax refunds.
Slim: Are you kidding? What about the $1000 I gave to IJ?
Me: You get like $250 back for that.
Slim: Only $250?
Me: What did you expect? Dollar-for-dollar government reimbursement of charitable contributions?
Slim: That's not a very good return. Like negative 75%.